Time for Me?

As a SAHM there are several things that I encounter.  Are the kids fed? Are they dressed appropriately (and I only say that because JJ is messy and sometimes MJ's clothes are too small!)? What are we having for dinner?  Are the clothes washed?  When was the last time I cleaned the bathrooms?

Yea - lots of questions on a daily basis.  But, do any of them really deal with me?  Sometimes, but often they are not the priority.

I was reminded this while I was blow-drying my hair out this afternoon while MJ was napping and JJ was watching a show.  I sat down at my sink and right there next to it was this:

What is that - I'm sure you're asking.  Well, its my running clothes.  I put those there so when my alarm goes off every morning at 7am they are ready for me.  Problem is, they've been there for weeks, untouched.

This last week I have been really feeling the lack of 'me' time.  And this really isn't anyone's fault, and yes I know that's what its like when you have kids.  But its been bothering me that I cannot get my butt out of bed at 7am to spend 30-45 minutes taking care of myself.  I miss running.  That sounds so pathetic saying.  But I do.  I checked my Runkeeper app on my phone and the last time I went for a run was May 10th.  Yes - you read that right, MAY 10! Over a month ago.  I was on such a good schedule, running 3-4 times a week and feeling good about what I was doing.  And now I can't even manage one day. Again, no one's fault but my own.

I think about how much happier I might be (not saying that I'm not happy now, but that extra energy would really help).  I like the sense of accomplishment with running, a feeling I don't get doing anything else.  I push myself when I run to another level that I can't accomplish cooking or cleaning. 

I think as SAHM's we often feel this way.  That there is something in our lives that we just don't have time for.  As we become engrossed in the everyday activities of living with family/kids we sometimes put ourselves at the bottom of the priority list. 

And its ok to say that's ok. Its not the end of the world and some day soon I might have time for the things that interest me.  My number one priority right now is raising to healthy, God-loving, children that understand how much we are blessed.  Sometimes I feel like God definitely made sure I that I would stay busy, but my kids are wonderful and I am very thankful for those two.  All I have to do is read Proverbs 31: 10-31 for a map of my days and remember I am blessed with a great family.  And to remember, its not all about me.

Being a Better Mom

I never really thought about this until JJ hit about 3.5-4yo. I always thought - I don't remember a thing from when I was that young, so why would he? Well, he is almost 5. And now I think - Dang, maybe he will remember some of this.

So, it has really got me thinking about our actions, how we deal with difficult circumstances, and just how we treat each kid. I am not saying by any means that we were bad about this before, but it makes you start to almost analyize every step, comment, and decision you make everyday. This, in itself, can be down right exhausting.

I read several blogs. I obtained possession of the family iPad about 3-4 weeks ago and got on the Reeder app and just started finding cool, Christian-based blogs that dealt with homemaking, food, and frugal living. There has been one that has been really thought provoking - sometimes a little eerie. Like she knows what I am dealing with at this moment of time so she talks about it. Weird.

Today, she touches on what type of legacy are you leaving? Again - something I have recently started thinking about, especially with JJ. How is he perceiving me? Am I a good mom to him? How can I make sure that my actions will benefit his future? These are, at times, scary thoughts, but something that seriously needs to be considered when raising children. Again - I have worked in the school system. I have seen kids that have had parents that spend little to no time with them, verbally abuse them, put high expectations on them - I know the effects these things can have. But, am I, even though I might not realize it, doing this to some extent? I think, JJ is 4 - he should be doing (blank). I do this A LOT. And I know you should to some point.

Anyway, a great blog. I will probably read it a few more times. She has a whole series right now on becoming a better mother. I know that I am a great mom, and I try to do all I can for my kids. Love them to pieces and they amaze me everyday. But, I am not perfect.

What do I want my kids to remember?

Is my attitude right?

Am I showing them love?

What is the big picture? Are my actions seeing the future?

If you have time - check out this blog, Delighting in the Days. Or just read this post - it might just inspire you too.

Minnie & MJ

My daughter.  She is such a goof ball.

JJ loves watching Mickey Mouse Club House.  MJ could care less about the show, BUT it does have some incredibly great music. 

If MJ is in our bedroom and hears the MMC theme song, Hot Dog, or Mousekedoer, she bee-lines it for the TV so she can jam. Like really - who doesn't love these songs?

And I'm not even kidding one little bit.  I'll have to catch it on video some time soon :)

But, Noni (Brandon's Mom) bought MJ a Minnie when we lived in Delaware - so quite a while ago.  JJ found it yesterday and gave it to her while she was in her room.  She then became attached at the hip with it.  Looking at it, talking to it, hugging it - it was precious.

Got a few pictures of her holding on tight to it after her nap. 

Yes vs. No

Summer is definitely here.  Its currently 105F (and rising) outside my kitchen window.  I find this so similar to winters in Delaware where it would be 30F, 2 feet of snow on the ground.  How?  I'm sure most of you with kids understand - we are already experiencing 'cabin fever'.

Yesterday the crew loaded up and we went with one of JJ's classmates to a really nice park about 30 minutes down the road.  We were outside for all of 20 minutes and he got overheated.  JJ does no sweat.  He got this genetics from me and my MIL.  I have to pump him with water non-stop to make sure he doesn't have heat stroke.  So for him to be ready to go inside and sit down is something that is just unimaginable in most cases, but I have to listen to him so we went to CFA and played inside instead. 

So since today its 105F, we are inside resting this afternoon.  Resting.  MJ is sleeping and JJ is watching a show on TV.  But I have found that being inside as much as we are actually drives us all crazy.  JJ tends to talk back more (what is it with 4yo boys?!  He just automatically says the opposite of what I do!).

Yes vs. No.  I'm not sure JJ understands the difference more than the fact that he knows it irritates me and his dad to no end when he wants to do the opposite of what we ask him to do. I also wish I knew how to teach him empathy.  Our poor cats.  I really don't want to go any further because some people would probably think they need to find a new home (and I wonder at times if it might be better for them!).

JJ will be 5 in August.  I wish he would start understanding cause and effect more.  I wish he would understand when he talks back he will get in trouble.  Instead, it is a daily occurrence of the yes vs. no battle usually resulting in something he enjoys being lost.  This is a painful phase.  I hope and pray every morning when I get up that maybe, just maybe today will be the day he understands.

Summer, thankfully, is a short one.  He will be going back to school the first full week of August.   Time to start putting together that list of things to do inside to fill our time between now and then.  CHEAP things.  I wish napping would be one of them.

Ahhh.....gotta love cabin fever.

Update on MJ

Well, I took a lot of the feedback and decided that I was going to try and feed MJ more protein and carbs to get her feeling more full and sleeping through the night.  She is a little garbage disposal.  I found out, though that there is a limit to the amount of food she should eat.  Well, Brandon found out the hard way.  That night she ate so much that she threw up in her bed after she went to bed.  Yep.  She overate.  She's not quite gotten the concept of cutting herself off.

So yesterday we took it a little slower.  She still ate quite a bit, but I think she sort of understood that if she wasn't hungry she shouldn't eat.  We had an impromptu stop at CFA yesterday, mid afternoon.  Both kids ate between 4-6 nuggets each.  Along with fries and fruit too.

I think this will be a learning process.  MJ is definitely a LOT different than JJ as far as nutrition goes.  JJ wouldn't hardly touch a thing.  At least MJ will try stuff.  Most of the time.  I have been trying to get her to try the things we are eating so she can just eat whatever we're having so I won't have to cook an additional 2 separate meals. 

I guess kids know what they need and know how much they need (well, most of the time).  When JJ is hungry, he eats.  I guess it will be the same routine with MJ.

Child Nutrition

I want to preface this by saying we were up a lot last night.  And not because of JJ.

MJ is almost 15 months (in about 10 days).  She is a growing girl.  She eats and eats and drinks and drinks.  Problem: she has 5 teeth.  So we are at a crossroads on what to feed her.  Seems as though the nutrition she is getting during the day is just not cutting it. 

When she went to bed last night around 830-9, she drank an 8oz bottle of milk.  She also ate 2 chicken tenders from Whataburger and a hand full for fries.  I thought for sure that was going to get it down.  At 1245am she starts to cry.  And not cry continuously, she cries and just stops.  Then cries some more, then stops.  So at 110am I got up and made her a bottle.  7oz.  She ate it all. 

So she's not getting enough to eat somewhere along the way.  I'm sort of confused as to what to feed her right now because I know protein is important.  And her protein consists of ham, chicken, and sometimes a meat product (meatballs, hamburger, etc).  She is definitely a carnivore.  She will eat herself some meat and pass everything else up to get it. 

I don't know what to cook her!  She passed up pasta the other day.  For breakfast everday she get yogurt and some cherrios.  I need to start getting more creative.  But with those 5 teeth, its tough to get anything in her that I don't have to worry about her chewing!  I just know me and Brandon need more sleep than we got.  Any suggestions will be taken.  Thanks.

My Decision, Take 2

So I thought about things this weekend.  Thought what would work good for me, the kids, our family.  I really didn't think it would be this difficult! 
I called and talked to the school this morning.  Sounds like if its not 5yo, it may be a 3yo class.  Wow - I never thought I would be teaching those little kiddos, but what a cool opportunity.  The schedule is wonderful, 1/2 price tuition for the kids, and a little $ coming in. 
So I wrote an email - to the other job and told them that teaching was more what I wanted to do and that I was going to go that direction.  If the class doesn't work out, then I'm home this fall - no biggie. 
I am very thankful for all the opportunities that have presented themselves recently.  And know that God will put me in the right one in the end.

New Dilemma - Why?!

So, after turning down the opportunity I had last week, they countered and offered me the opportunity to come in 12-15 hours a week.  This would still allow me to be home the majority of the time while still bringing in some money.  But my big concern was daycare.

I put off all week contacting places.  It wasn't like I purposefully did it.  I just was chasing kids and when they slowed down I wanted to slow down for a minute.  And before I knew it, it was Friday and I hadn't called anyone.  I knew in the back of my mind that working and paying for any kind of child care was probably pointless because it would be a wash. 

So, Brandon called the school where JJ goes to find out what it would cost for MJ in the mornings.  He talked to the director at the church and she gave him a run down of what the costs were, etc.  But here's the kicker - something neither of us saw coming - she asked if I would possibly be interested in teaching a 5yo kindergarten class this next year.  Ummm - what?! This was NOT how I saw things going at all. I do have an education degree and just stepped down from teaching for 7.5 years to be a SAHM.  Just I taught middle and high school.  Never thought about the little kiddos.

I tried to call her back a few times later in the day - I was at the museum, remember?  So I never really had a good opportunity to talk with her that I could 100% focus.  But I still tried.  Thankfully she wasn't there both times I called.  So, now I have to wait until Tuesday to talk to her about details.  But here is my run-down of the pros/cons:

Pros:

1)  Same schedule as JJ
2)  MJ would get kid interaction time everyday for 1/2 day
3)  Tuition will be 1/2 for both (need to verify this still)
4)  Holidays/summers will be off and the same as JJ
5)  Low stress
6)  Rewarding job
7)  Great atmosphere/co-workers
8)  I'm in the SAME building WORKING with both kids

Cons:

1)  Salary (not the best - but not the worse.  Helps that tuition would be lower)
2)  I'm in the SAME building WORKING with both kids (this can have some down points)
3)  Vacation/Sick time (not sure about this yet - free schedule though is gone)
4)  Potential for Brandon to have to take more time off if kids get sick

So, that's about all I've come up with so far.  I'm leaning towards doing this for 2 reasons.  One - I like the Pros and can live with the Cons.  Two - If God wants me to work this fall then it will happen.  Right now the 5yo class only has 3 kids in it.  It needs 5 in order to 'make'.  So, they need two kids to sign up this summer.  If those two kids sign on, then I work.  If not, then I guess God wants me to continue being a SAHM to my sweet (but crazy) kiddos. 

Another dilemma I must now deal with.  I think I have figured out though that working 12-15 hours a week is something I'm not interested in really doing.  The people and the company seemed great.  But, I don't know.  Going with gut here.  We'll see how the second dilemma ends up.

Time.

My first 5K - March 2009. 

I have found that even though I should have more time, I have less.  Does that make sense?  I have things that I would like to accomplish and they just aren't happening.
Case in point: Running.  This is something I enjoy doing and that I would like to do daily just so I can have a stress reliever.  Living in Mississippi about the only time to run is early morning or sunset.  So I have set my clock the last week or so to get up at 7am and go run.  And every morning I shut it off and go back to sleep.  Not even for that long - like 20 minutes.  The most unsatisfying 'nap' ever.  But I do it.  Every morning.
Ugh.  Something has to change with that.  And soon.

My Decision

So, after much deliberation and two sick kids over the weekend, I have decided that I want to stay home and be with them.  Call it one of those internal things that just nags on you like you can't believe.  And you know its the right thing to do.  But its still hard to make that decision.  So now I will be home until when? Who knows....but I will enjoy this time with my two rugrats and have some homemaking fun along the way :)